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[May. 24th, 2009|01:28 pm] |
Private to self.
It has been nearly three weeks. Three weeks of hiding myself away from everyone. No one has asked and I have no desire to tell. I have not spoken to Sirius or anyone outside of my sisters. Nym asks questions and I ignore them. I am a hollow shell of who I was before. I did not know how love had filled me until I was emptied of that love. Maybe I will return to bed, it is the only place I find solace.
Somewhere inside myself I feel the fire of life. If I did not feel so robbed, if I did not feel so cheated, perhaps I could ignite it into flames. I want revenge, I know that I do. But it is difficult to stir up proper ire against a masked face in my dreams. I need a name. I need a purpose.
Bellatrix.
I need to know who killed him. If you are not telling me because you think I will do something rash you are wrong. I will not. But I must know. Give me the name. |
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[May. 6th, 2009|02:27 pm] |
Private to self
This is not home. Nym won't stop crying and she's so scared. All she has ever known about this world I have brought her into is dark and unhappy. Now I am left to explain why it is that mummy trusts her sisters more than anyone else in the world.
Someday she will understand. But I do not know if she will forgive me for this. If Ted would forgive me for this. I have never been so unsure. I wish Papa was still alive. He would be angry, yes, but I know that I could have found my way back to him and his good graces.
What have I done?
Private to Bellatrix and Narcissa
We are here.
Private to Frank
We have left home and we are safe for now.
Private to Sirius
I hope you will forgive me. You know as well as I that if you had moved in with us only trouble would have followed. If it was only me I would have stayed with you, but I do not have the luxury of being able to follow my own heart anymore. I gave that up when I became a mother.
Don't hate me. |
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[May. 4th, 2009|09:51 am] |
Private to Ted:
Will you ever forgive me for this, love?
You knew who I was when you married me. You always saw me so much more clearly than anyone else ever could. I told you once there was a reason Slytherin was underground... that we can crawl into cracks and crevices and hide from the light when need be. We can regroup, replan, retreat. At the time I was being harsh on my old house but now those are the same traits that I must cling to in the absence of your guidance.
You are dead, Albus is dead, the war is lost. Frank and Alice won't understand. Will Sirius? The easy answer would be no, but I will give him more credit than that. He may not agree but he will understand. If I stay where I am they will find us. They will find me and drag me back and they will kill Nym. If I go willingly my sisters will protect me. Even mother will protect me. And I will protect our daughter. I will cut out my heart and my honor and give it to her. She is all I have left of you and I will not give that up.
I am sorry Ted. I am failing you, I know, but this is the only path I see clearly. You were the lantern that lit my path to a life worth living. Without you, I am stumbling yet again through the darkness and all the familiar roads lead home.
I am sorry. I am so sorry.
Private to Sirius:
I am returning to my sisters. You know why. |
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[May. 3rd, 2009|09:32 pm] |
Narcissa and Bellatrix.
Who killed him? I want a name. |
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[May. 3rd, 2009|05:27 pm] |
Order.
Did no one think I deserved to know my husband was dead? |
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[May. 1st, 2009|10:52 am] |
Order.
Ted hasn't written. |
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[Apr. 20th, 2009|11:42 am] |
I was telling Dora this morning that spring is a time for new beginnings. I hope the season does not make a liar of me.
Order.
I have been doing what I can to tutor the children in the safe houses so they can keep up on their studies but I only took NEWTS in Astronomy, Charms, Transfiguration, Defence Against the Dark Arts and Herbology. We have a few students who are the equivalent of sixth years with high hopes of continuing on in Potions and Ancient Runes. Is there anyone who would be willing to spend one afternoon a week tutoring in those subjects?
( Private to self added later ) |
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[Apr. 3rd, 2009|11:42 am] |
I misplaced my journal while cleaning the other day and only remembered it today when I found it tucked behind a loaf of bread. I'm not certain what that says about my cleaning skills but I am glad to have found it. I am only sorry that I missed the declarations.
Doesn't I am Andromeda Tonks and I am so very, very pure have a nice ring to it?
Order.
We now have one family living in the Potter's old flat and three families living in the safe house. We could easily house two more families there but I am being exceedingly careful in the selection. If we let in one dissenter we would risk them all. If anyone has any suggestions of family and friends they would like me to contact I would be happy to do so.
I am meeting with Carlotta this weekend and I intend on approaching her about money for an additional house. This would be a house for squibs and their families. The government has not made trouble for them yet but it cannot be long now.
Ted.
We're getting low on groceries, darling. Would you go with me this afternoon to pick up more? |
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[Mar. 17th, 2009|06:11 pm] |
Ted.
I'm sorry love, but this must be done.
Order.
I want to go to the Foundation brunch. Someone needs to see if they are planning anything. I realize there are other wives and mothers in the Order but I am more likely than most to pick up on any subtle nuances or orchestrations on the part of my sister and her lackeys.
I am willing to hear arguments against but I will warn you that unless that are quite good I have made up my mind. |
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[Feb. 26th, 2009|01:29 pm] |
Private to the Black sisters:
I was sorry to read of the Library. I would have said so sooner but since we had argued earlier that day I did not think it would be appropriate until now. |
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[Feb. 23rd, 2009|02:34 pm] |
Order:
I know that many of us are in the process of grieving and recovering but there is much to be done and little time to do it. We were able to ward the Potter's old flat so it is now ready for the first of any muggleborns in need of as safer place to live. Dedalus had offered the use of his home but it is beyond repair.
Caradoc, if you would be able to purchase a large muggle house for our use I now have funds available. It could then be warded and made available to more than one family at a time.
Also, as Order members will doubtlessly need to be doing more delicate projects in the near future it has been suggested that non-Order supporters may be willing to pick up the slack in the underground railroad. Does anyone have suggestions for trustworthy indiduals who I might contact? For their safety and ours I will not confide in them that the Order is behind this. They will think it is a project I am heading with backing from several wealthy but unnamed individuals.
Private to James and Remus:
There is a very specific way expensive hired help tends to dress. I think we may look out of place if we are not attired accordingly. Do you both own black slacks and white button up shirts? |
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[Feb. 19th, 2009|12:58 pm] |
Warded to blood Lestranges, Blacks and Malfoys:
When will this end? What must happen for the killing to stop?
Dedalus Diggle was a good man. He deserved better than this.
*Marked through after this. |
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[Feb. 18th, 2009|05:01 pm] |
Narcissa.
I spoke to Bellatrix. If she and I can have a somewhat civil conversation it gives me hope that you and I might endeavor to do so as well. How have you been, Cissy? |
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[Feb. 17th, 2009|10:51 am] |
Private to self:
Potter flat in London
McCormack home in Skye
The Leaky Cauldron in London?
Second safe house. Requires funds?
Dedalus's home
Frank's uncle and aunt
Augusta Longbottom?
( Private messages to James, Caradoc, Remus, Sirius, Dedalus, Frank, Alice, the Order, Ted, Meaghan, Elsie and Carlotta: ) |
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[Feb. 16th, 2009|02:42 pm] |
Order
Does anyone have a family home that is not being used right now that we might ward heavily and begin to use for the transportion or relocation of families? I wouldn't trust the Ministry "safe houses" any further than I could toss them and not everyone is comfortable with the idea of Hogwarts.
When I get names of places perhaps James, Remus and Caradoc along with anyone else adept with wards could help secure them? I am more than happy to oversee the progress for now.
Private to myself
It is painful to know that without deadly force we will never win this war but to be unable to speak of it without grim looks from Albus Dumbledore. I have nothing but the greatest of respect for him but I have never thought he understood the minds of Slytherins and that is key. And it is the same with Ted, though I love him so dearly. Would I really ask it of the rest if I could? Hope that my cousin and his friends soil themselves with the blood of others? I do not know.
I am glad these decisions are not mine even if I long to make them.
Private to Bellatrix
There are times I miss your advice, misguided as it may have been. |
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[Jan. 22nd, 2009|11:54 am] |
Ted:
What is written below is entirely contingent upon your feelings on the subject. I plan on visiting again this afternoon so if you do not feel like writing now we can speak of it later.
Order:
I am heavily considering applying for an Identification card. The more we receive the better chance we will have to find any spells on them or any markings that might make one different from another. Who else has plans to obtain one? |
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[Jan. 15th, 2009|11:54 am] |
Private to Alice and Frank:
Now that I have permission to visit Ted I would like to do so as soon as possible.
Private to Ted.
I get to visit you today love. We have so much to discuss and I know it will go directly out of my head when I see you so I thought until then we could speak here. The most important thing of all is to decide what to do with Dora. I adore your parents, I do, but I do not feel safe leaving her with muggles in the middle of a war. Even with the best of wards surrounding their home they are not going to be any match for Bella and Rodolphus.
The Potters have offered to take her in until we can find something more permanent. Sirius has offered to help us financially if we would like to more her and your parents out of the country. We could also consider Hogwarts. What do you think? |
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[Jan. 14th, 2009|03:09 pm] |
Order.
I realize that we're not going to agree on everything or anything at times but arguing now about who is and who is not evil is without use. Even discussing it can only lead to irritation and hurt feelings which are not helping our cause at the moment. None of us trust Smith regardless of his intentions so the point is moot. He would not want our help if we offered it so put bluntly, he can bugger right off as far as I'm concerned.
I don't pretend to have any answers and I am not suggesting we hold hands in a merry circle and braid each other's hair. I would suggest however that we put forth any and all ideas that might be useful for this immediate time so that tensions rise no higher than they are now.
Marlene has said she's going to handle the radio this evening which is a promising start. The headmaster has offered Hogwarts to house refugees for the time being and those of us who are able may be useful in orchestrating that. I think relocation efforts are a tremendous way in which the Order could make itself useful until a retaliation plan is made. I am not sure either of those projects would benefit from my talents but I am willing to pitch in where I can.
Are there any other projects in the works?
Sirius, Elsie, Meaghan and Dedalus:
I'm a right bitch and someone is going to point this out under wards, aren't they?
Sirius and his Gryffindor Yearmates:
I'm not trying to step on your toes or take authority that isn't mine. It's no secret that the largest rift in the Order seems to occur because the younger members are often underestimated. I would not make that mistake. I have asked if there are any projects from the entire Order, but I would ask you with emphasis, please tell me you have some plan for this. |
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[Jan. 13th, 2009|10:34 am] |
Private Sirius, Dedalus, Frank, Alice, Moody, Pepper, Jo, Caradoc, Meaghan, Ted:
I want my husband home, now. |
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